Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable response to "I love you".

Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.

Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack to the ass and a "you'll get 'em next time" would pretty much do it.

Birth control would come in ale or lager.

Sorry I'm late, but I got really wasted last night" would be an acceptable excuse for tardiness.

At the end of the workday, a whistle would blow and you'd jump out your window and slide down the tail of a brontosaurus and right into your car like Fred Flintstone.

It'd be considered harmless fun to gather 30 friends, put on horned helmets, and go pillage a nearby town..

Tanks would be far easier to rent.

Instead of beer belly, you'd get "beer biceps."

Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap year.

Cops would be broadcast live, and you could phone in advice to the pursuing cops. Or to the crooks.

Every man would get four real Get Out of Jail Free cards.

Faucets would run "Hot," "Cold," and "100 proof.

The Statue of Liberty would get a bright red, 40-foot thong.

Daisy Duke shorts would never again go out of style.

Telephones would automatically cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.

When not in use toilet seats would always remain up.

Freeway speed limit signs would read " As Fast As The Damn Thing Will Go" !!!

There would be an ejection seat in the bed, next to you, so that after sex you can just push the red button and the women will be ejected to avoid any conversation that follows.